Students of Diffendoofer School celebrate their unusual teachers and curriculum even though they are faced with a High Stakes all school test.
Read by Pete McGhie, Opotiki College, New Zealand.
Hooray for Diffendoofer Day
I’ve always lived in Dinkerville,
My friends all live there too.
We go to Diffendoofer School-
We’re happy that we do.
Our school is at the corner of Dinkzoober and Dinkzott.
It looks like any other school, but we suspect it’s not.
I think we’re learning lots of things not taught at other schools.
Our teachers are remarkable, they make up their own rules.
Miss Bobble teaches listening,
Miss Wobble teaches smelling,
Miss Fribble teaches laughing,
And Miss Quibble teaches yelling.
Miss Twining teaches tying knots in neckerchiefs and noodles,
And how to tell chrysanthemums from miniature poodles.
Miss Vining teaches all the ways a pigeon may be peppered,
And how to put a saddle on a lizard or a leopard.
My teacher is Miss Bonkers,
She’s as bouncy as a flea.
I’m not certaine what she teaches,
But I’m glad she teaches me.
“Look! Look!” she chirps. “I’ll show you how to tell a cactus from a cow,
And then I shall instruct you why a hippo cannot hope to fly.”
She even teaches frogs to dance,
And pigs to put on underpants.
One day she taught a duck to sing-
Miss Bonkers teaches EVERYTHING!
Of all the teachers in our school,
I like Miss Bonkers best.
Our teachers are all different,
But she’s different-er than the rest.
We also have a principal, his name is Mr. Lowe.
He is the very saddest man that any of us know.
He mumbles, “Are they learning this and that and such and such?
His face is wrinkled as a prune from worrying so much.
He breaks a lot of pencil points from pushing down too hard,
and many dogs start barking as he mopes around the yard.
We think he wears false eyebrows.In fact, we’re sure it’s so.
We’ve heard he takes them off at night…I guess we’ll never know.
But we know he like Miss Bonkers, he treats her like a queen.
He’s always there to watch her when she’s on her trampoline.
There are many other people who make Diffendoofer run.
They are utterly amazing-I love every single one.
Our nurse, Miss Clotte, knows what to do when we’ver got sniffles or the flu.
One day I had a splinter, so she bandaged me from head to toe.
Mr. Plunger, our custodian, has fashione a machine-
a super-zooper-flooper-do-it keeps the whole school clean.
Our music teacher, Mrs.Fox, makes bagpipes out of straws and socks.
Our art instructor, Mr. Beeze, paints pictures hanging by his knees.
In science class with Mr. Katz, we learn to build robotic rats.
In gym we watch as Mr. Bear hoists elephants into the air.
Miss Loon is our librarian, she hides behind the shelves,
and often cries out, “LOUDER!” shen we’re reading to ourselves.
We have three cooks, all named McMunch who merrily prepare our lunch.
They make us hot dogs, beans and fries, plus things we do not recognized.
And as they cook, they sing their song, not too short and not too long.
“Roast and toast and slice and dice, cooking lunch is oh so nice.”
We were eating their concoctions, telling jokes and making noise,
when Mr. Lowe appeared and howled, “Attention, girls and boys!”
He began to fuss and fidget, scratch and mutter, sneeze and cough.
He shook his head so hard, we thought his eyebrows would come off.
He wrung his hangs, he cleared his throat, he shed a single tear:
then sobbed, “I’ve somthing to announce, and that is why I’m here.”
“All schools for miles and miles around must take a special test,
To see who’s learning such and such-to see which school’s the best.
If our small school does not do well, then it will be torn down,
And you will have to go to school in dreary Flobbertown.”
“Not Flobbertown!” we shouted, and we shuddered at the name,
for everyone in Flobbertown does everything the same.
It’s miserable in Flobbertown, they dress in just one style.
They sing one song, they never dance, they march in single file.
They do not have a playground. And they do not have a park.
Their lunches have no taste at all, their dogs are scared to bark.
We sat in shock and disbelief. “Oh no!” we moaned. “Oh no!”
We were even more unhappy than unhappy Mr. Lowe.
But then the test was handed out. “Yahoo!” we yelled. “Yahoo!”
For it was filled with all the things that we all knew we knew.
There were questions about noodles, and poodles and frogs and yelling,
about listening and laughing, and chrysanthemums and smelling.
There were questions about other things we’d never seen or heard,
and yet we somehow answered them, enjoying every word.
One week later, after recess, Mr. Lower meandered in.
We’d never seen him smile before, but now he wore a grin.
He soon began to giggle, then his giggle grew by half,
and then it really happened- Mr. Lowe began to laugh.
“You’ve saved our school! You’ve saved our school!” He jubilantly roared.
“we got the very highest score!” He wrote it on the board.
Miss Bonkers did some cartwheels till her face turned cherry red.
She bounded up to Mr. Lowe and kissed him on the head.
“Hooray! Hooray!” she shouted. “I’m so proud I cannot speak.”
So she did another cartwheel, and she peck him on the cheek.
“Ahem! Ahem!” coughed Mr. Lowe.
“You all deserve a bow. I thus declare a holiday-it starts exactly now.
Because you’ve done so splendidly in every sort of way,
This day forever shall be known as Diffendoofer Day.
And furthermore, I promise I won’t evcer wear a frown.
For now I know we’ll never go to dreaty Flobbertown.”
Then we held a celebration, there was pizza, milk and cake.
Like everyone, I ate too much and got a bellyache.
We laughed and whooped and hollered the entire school day long,
then we all sang, triumphantly, “The Diffendoofer Song.”
We love you, Diffendoofer School, We definitely do.
There surely is no other school that’s anything like you.
You’re gribbulous, you’re grobbulous, each day we love you more.
You are the school we treasure and unceasingly adore.
Oh, finest school in Dinkerville-the only one as well-
We love you, Diffendoofer School, much more than we can tell.
You are so diffendooferouse It gives us joy to say,
Three cheers for Diffendoofer School- Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!!!